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Doom-singers and Soothsayers.

It’s like they don’t even try…


So, in roughly five hours, the world is going to start ending…If you put any faith in that jaggoff Harold Camping, who’s been wrong before. Hey, give the guy a second chance…At failing. I mean fuck, his middle name is EGBERT. A name like that doesn’t succeed at anything other than being made fun of, and fucking up. Hell, I bet all this doomsday shit is because he got razzed in school for being called Egghead Camper, and for his parents giving him such a shitty name. Well, the good thing about the latter, is that they’re dead. They don’t have to see the gross level of supreme fuckup their son has become.

Speaking of this tacky blaggard’s family, I’m wondering what his children think. “Oh the world’s gonna end in a few hours!” No it’s not, dad. Now shut up before we put your stupid ass in a home. Hell, even his grandchildren aught to think this guy’s a right nutter. “The world’s gonna end kids!” Fuck you, grandpa. We know that’s right shit.

But let’s look more into the actual claim. That at 0200 Zulu, the earth will erupt in a massive earthquake in Asia. So, China, Nepal, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Malaysia, Indonesia, the Philippines…You know, with a little research one can find out how often an earthquake happens in that area… And it comes out to roughly 1100 (Going off of a 2010 seismic map, very low resolution) 5.0 earthquakes a YEAR in Asia alone. And as of 00:06 UTC, Today, there were six earthquakes, all but one greater than 5.0, Yesterday, there were 11 earthquakes, all but three were less than 5.0. On an odds poor day, there’s about 30 earthquakes in the entire Asian continent a day, and in Japan alone, there have been 8 earthquakes in 24 hours. So, at 0200 Zulu, which is in four hours, according to this d-bag, there’s going to be a huge earthquake SOMEWHERE in ASIA…There was a comparably large one at 13:08 UTC clocking in at 5.3 at 45.1kM. That means, the grass waggled about a bit, and someone who was drunker than all get out fell down, and maybe a picture fell over.

So, given the odds, this guy would hit the mark with one out of eight days, Hmm.

Then, the chosen will be saved by Jesus. You know…I have a trick to prove to myself that Jesus isn’t real. Since the bible says that he appeared before hundreds to prove his rebirth (1 Corinthians 15:3-8), and that if a few dudes get together and pray for something (Matthew 18:19-20), Shazzam. It’s supposed to happen. Well motherfucker, I don’t have a ten inch cock and a golden toilet.

Jesus ain’t real. Figure that.

Then, the whole world will suffer and die until it is eventually consumed by a fireball, presumably from space, because ain’t no one over the age of ten that doesn’t know how to put out a fire. Well, let’s look at what fire is. Fire is a chemical reaction between carbon or hydrocarbons and oxygen. If you ain’t got ONE, you’re FUCKED. Guess what space ain’t got? Oxygen. Whoa…That just blows my mind…

So no space-fire.

So we move on to the last part. The whole people suffering until it all ends 21/10. People have been suffering since the beginning of our existence, and suffering and pain have existed far before that. So what kind of super-genius are you to predict more of it? That’s like saying “Yeah, tonight, it’s going to be dark.” Well no shit. But unlike George Carlin, you ain’t funny.

Bet you already made a pass, I see a darkened room somewhere. You run your finger ’round the rim of his glass, and then you run your fingers through his hair. They scratch across his back, fade to black.

Maybe all this bullshit will end.

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